A blog about nothing in particular, with puns, drawings, and charts because I'm too lazy to write a lot.
All originial content by @DuckSauceGeoff

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

In Defense of Bud Light: A Drinker's Manifesto

A lot of cool things are happening these days – organic foods are suddenly accessible, locally-owned stores and restaurants are hugely popular, talented people are becoming successful on the internet without waiting to be discovered, and microbrews outnumber the big brands at most new bars I see. In some areas, it seems creativity and quality now mean more than brand names and low prices. Suddenly, the underdogs have a shot against the corporate juggernauts.
            However, the same thing that feeds and nurtures these movements can also be what limits their appeal. To promote a grass-roots movement, you need a passionate, loyal, and outspoken support base. A strong core of vocal followers is necessary to spread the word and expand. But if these followers take things too far, they risk alienating the outsiders that are needed for growth. Supporting a movement is a delicate balancing act because it introduces the risk of violating the only two rules in this world:
1.    Everything in moderation.
2.    Don’t be a dick.
If you’re all about healthy foods, you have to understand that I, like most people, want Taco Bell and Pizza Rolls every now and then. If you’re into indie movies, you can’t give me a shitty look when I tell you I’m renting The Expendables 2 as soon as it comes out on Blu-Ray. And if you’re a fan of good beer, get off my ass when I order a Bud Light.
Don’t get me wrong – I like good beer, I just choose not to buy it on most occasions. Unfortunately, the best bars and restaurants are the most pretentious about beer selection. As a result, I've recently been faced with bartenders, waitresses, and other clowns who give me shit every time I order a Bud Light.
And so we return to the fanaticism issue. It’s ok to tell people that better beer choices exist, but when they decide to buy a cheap beer, leave them alone. When I get judged by a bartender or a co-worker because of my selection, I want to tell him I’m not stupid, or cheap, or uncultured. In fact, I used to drink good beer too. He may have just discovered the good stuff, but I’ve already gone through that phase.
When I could finally afford microbrews after college, I bought them all the time. I tried new beers every week, and most of them tasted great. However, I eventually decided it was time for a downgrade. When I switched to Bud Light, I had no idea I'd meet so much resistance. I didn't know I'd have to defend my selection. But, since I do, here it is...

Why I drink Bud Light:
1.    I know exactly how many I can drink.
·         It’s simple – if you stick with what you know, you’ll never be surprised. Even if I don’t feel it yet, I can think about how many I’ve had and know how drunk I’ll be when it hits me. Once you start trying new beers with varying alcohol content, an unexpected drunken night is bound to happen.
2.    I can drink it all night.
·         If I want to start early and drink until the bar closes, I don’t even need to slow down. If you want to do that with craft beers, good luck. I bet a few breaks will be necessary.
3.    It doesn’t give me a hangover.
·         When I drink a bunch of heavy beers all night, I’m going to wake up feeling like I was smacked with a brick. After a long night of Bud Lights, I may not feel amazing, but it’s a lot better than the alternative.
4.    I save money.
·         I’m not cheap, but it doesn’t make sense to spend extra money unless it produces additional benefits. Sure, craft beers taste better. And if I’m trying to be classy or I’m having a good dinner, it’s worth the money. Otherwise, no way. Same result (i.e. drunk), same amount of fun, much smaller (by 25-50%) bill.
5.    I’m left out of douchey beer conversations.
·        Does the brewery only make 20 kegs a year and require a blood oath to obtain it? Did the brewmaster wrestle a shark and rescue a 17th century pirate’s lost recipe? Fine, that sounds interesting. Otherwise, I don’t give a shit. I’ll be over here, talking to someone else.

I'm just saying there's room for all kinds. I hope the good beers keep coming; just remember to drink and let drink.

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